brick layer

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brick layer

Postby r1dave » Sep 9th, '17, 01:03

Possibly the funniest story in a long while.

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.

This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award (stupidity) for sure.......

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block
3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident.

You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.


I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone
on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found
that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be
slightly in excess of 500lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on
the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and
loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it
tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.

Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.

This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building In
the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts
for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs
and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed
to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks
and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain,
unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back
down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry
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Re: brick layer

Postby billinom8s » Sep 9th, '17, 06:33

I've worked with him.
07977507395

don't forget we are on twitter believe it or not !!!
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Re: brick layer

Postby mike69 » Sep 13th, '17, 13:10

This was originally written and performed at the Oxford uni by Gerard Hoffman a Dutchman who used the stage name Victor Borge. Brilliant comedian https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZUJLO6lMhI" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: brick layer

Postby Robbo87 » Sep 15th, '17, 02:31

mike69 wrote:This was originally written and performed at the Oxford uni by Gerard Hoffman a Dutchman who used the stage name Victor Borge. Brilliant comedian https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZUJLO6lMhI" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;


Thanks for finding and posting this classic Mike, I remember this Gerard Hoffnung original very well from my misspent youth, it's as funny now as it was then! One thing though, Gerard Hoffnung was deffo not Victor Borge. V B was indeed a very funny bloke, he was a classicaly trained and talented concert pianist and raconteur par excellence, but he wasn't Gerard Hoffnung.
Here's the same story set to music and sung by The Corries - 'The Bricklayers Lament' - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZwGk5xmlq0" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: brick layer

Postby mike69 » Sep 15th, '17, 13:01

Oh dear I was wrong I have just researched and you are correct Victor Borge is another person but not only that but the story wasn't written by him either.
From wiki :The derivation of the story is confused, but it first arises in the 1930s. It was published in Reader's Digest in 1940 as a letter from a naval officer who had supposedly received it from an enlisted man explaining his late return from leave. Hoffnung first saw the story in The Manchester Guardian in 1957;[13] the version printed there is identical with the text used by Hoffnung, except for the location, which he changed from Barbados to Golders Green.
My apologies.
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Re: brick layer

Postby mike69 » Sep 15th, '17, 13:10

And Victor Borge wasn't Dutch he was Danish.
Ah well it takes a man to admit he is wrong. Women don't have to as they are always right, that is according to my wife which it must be true as she said so.
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