Having a bad day?

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TC
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Joined: Jun 10th, '04, 21:21
First Name: Chris
Location: Plymouth

Having a bad day?

Post by TC »

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY?

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out
section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest
fire.

The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with
scuba tanks on his back, flippers and face mask.

A post-mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but
from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a
positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a
fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving
off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters,
seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a
fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from
the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in
the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip
bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get
out of bed.
_________________________________

Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife
nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle
accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars,
was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband
cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She
called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly
large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the
paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed
to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly
blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them
into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked
at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.
He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette
while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt
between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with
his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin,
she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was
dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the
ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told
them.

They started laughing so hard, one slipped with the stretcher
and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs,
breaking his arm.
_________________________________

Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez
oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the
most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild
amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full
view, a killer whale ate them both.
_________________________________

Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire
running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to
jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a
handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that
moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
_________________________________

STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all
two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence,
stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to
death.
_________________________________

What?! STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now,
feeling better?

:lol:
2022 Royal Enfield Interceptor 650 & 2026 Triumph Bonneville Speedmaster 1200
1blue
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Posts: 1936
Joined: Sep 11th, '05, 18:09
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Post by 1blue »

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

LMAO
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A_T
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Post by A_T »

pmsl :lol:
RIP [url=http://dcbikers.co.uk/15.html][u]Frank 1960 - 2006[/u][/url] & [url=http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/motorbikes/1482088.stm][u]JD 1963 - 2001[/u][/url] (always in our thoughts)
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baskie
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Posts: 2074
Joined: Mar 8th, '05, 20:33
Location: Plymouth

Re: Having a bad day?

Post by baskie »

TerminatorChris wrote:THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY?

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out
section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest
fire.

The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with
scuba tanks on his back, flippers and face mask.

A post-mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but
from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a
positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a
fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving
off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters,
seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a
fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from
the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in
the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip
bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get
out of bed.
_________________________________
tested on mythbusters and isnt true. :lol:
sorry
[img]http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y126/baskie/baskie13332.jpg[/img]
[i]We ride in the knowledge that our fate is in the hands of many
Fairings are for homesexuals [/i]
Stinky
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Post by Stinky »

Yes, I remeber that not being true. Still good though. Exept I heard when he fell he was speared by the top of a tree.
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now,
feeling better?
A bomb in a letter?
Potential Royal Marines Course: 27th Feb o7 - Fail
Infantry Basic Training - 18th November 07 - ?
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Jay
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Location: Fareham, Hampshire. Rides 2020 CBR1000RR-R
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Post by Jay »

PMSL :lol: :lol: :lol:
2025 BMW S1000 XR TE
2011 BMW S1000RR Trackbike
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brigham
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Joined: Sep 11th, '05, 14:47
First Name: Gary
Location: Fareham, Hants

Post by brigham »

Chris, they are brilliant. The first one is a classic.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
If life begins at 40, that makes me 15 years old.

06 FireBlade - that's it

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wysebyke
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Joined: Sep 18th, '05, 10:15
Location: Newton Abbot

Post by wysebyke »

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to a radio station in Ft.Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial 'water heater'; This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole
suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.



Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my
ass as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my ass was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job".
Leroy
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Post by Leroy »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Stinky
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Post by Stinky »

You would think there would be a filter on the hose to stop seaweed and stuff like that getting in the system, thats why I dont belive it. :?
Potential Royal Marines Course: 27th Feb o7 - Fail
Infantry Basic Training - 18th November 07 - ?
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