South West Bikers | Motorcycle Forum

People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a frozen carburettor.
Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a Scottish Motorcycle Patrol Officer came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect the mouth and face from the cold weather..
“What’s the matter? asked the Officer.
"Carburettor’s frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't," said the biker.
"OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The Officer unzipped and promptly warmed the carburettor as promised.
Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local Police Station received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill......"

Oops

She left waving, at least she was happy ;)

How do you tell the difference between an English Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police Officer?

QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't How do you tell the difference between an English Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police Officer? Don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you. You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?

ANSWER:

English Police Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Has he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?

Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Am I dressed provocatively?

Could I run away?

Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?

Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?

9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?

10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?

11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?

12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself?

13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?

Canadian Police Officer:

BANG !

American Police Officer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

'Click'...Reload...

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

Glasgow Police Officer:

"Haw, Jimmie. Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"