how to give a cat a pill

[chalky]

Found this on another site:

How to Give A Cat a Pill:

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4.Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly this time with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer, Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing, Force mouth open with dessert sthingy, Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f.....g cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie the little b.....d's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give A Dog A Pill:

1. Wrap it in bacon and throw it to dog.

[mark.mille]

[Dave]

pmsl

[Mervin]

you most likely seen it before but i thought of this when i read the post

HOW TO WASH A CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.
(You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

(CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find.)

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash" and "rinse", which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and, using a broomstick or other such device, quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.


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[Stinky]

I think I will use this if I ever get a cat, They should make something to go at the bottom of the toilets so the cat doesn't dissaper. But arnt cats sopposed to clean themselfs?

[andy198712]

how to give a cat a pill

give it too the cat, end of

one of my cats is pretty blond and just eats them, the other is a bugga and we take them to the vets, pay them abut £15 and they do it for you lol