An Englishman gives him a guitar and he plays it better than Hendrix.
An Irishman gives him a piano, which he plays better than Elton.
The Scotsman throws him a set of bagpipes, and he fumbles around for about 10 minutes. The Scotsman says 'What's wrong? Can ye no play it?'
The octopus replies---
'Play it?
I'm gonna **** her brains out, once I get her pyjamas off, !