A seventy-five-year old year old man went to his doctor to get a sperm
count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and
bring me back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the seventy-five-year old man reappeared at the doctor's
office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as he had
received it on the previous day.
"Where's the sample?" said the Doctor.
"Well, doctor, it's like this," the man explained. "First I tried with
my right hand, but that didn't work. Then I tried with my left hand, but
still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right
hand, then her left, still no joy. She even tried with her mouth, first
with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing."
"I see.." said the Doctor dubiously. "Then what did you do?"
"Well, I asked my sixteen year old neice to lend a hand, but she failed
too, even when she took it between her legs and squeezed it really
hard."
"Her legs!" exclained the doctor, appalled.
"So I went next door to Eileen, and she tried too, first with both
hands, then both armpits in turn and she even tried rolling it between
her knees, but still nothing.
"You asked your neighbour?" cried the shocked doctor.
"The old man replied, "Yes, but no matter what we tried we still
couldn't get the f**king jar open!"
The trappings of old age...
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